dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
