then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
