My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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