I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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