Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You are a genius and a whore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
