why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
