I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
