he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
