curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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