I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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