You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
