He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
