Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
