but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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