there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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