I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
