I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
