someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
