I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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