I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
