There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
