i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
