he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
two words: eviction party
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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