So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
