he shaved USA in his pubs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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