apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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