i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
