I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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