Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
