the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
