I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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