This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
