I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
