i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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