Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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