I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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