Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
