i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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