I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need a beard to bite.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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