he told me I talked like a deaf person
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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