By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
