Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
