It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They took my balls.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
