At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
