I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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