dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
