He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
this is an emotional support booty call
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
