I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
