Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't deserve a penis
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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