and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
