im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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