2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
