i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
whose parrot is this?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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