Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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