Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
